Enough Oomph to Get There

Enough Oomph to Get There

I was nervous when I decided to offer this work. I knew it meant living on the edge of my own vulnerability- in my relationship with Sam, and my relationships in all of my life. If this is the work I want to share, then I better be ready for my own life to have the wattage increased. Yep. I’m ready. I can’t live any other way. I try sometimes. I do. Really. I try to back out, back up, go back to where it was ‘comfy.’ I try to snuggle back under my ribs in the little caves of safety where I ‘think’ I will be protected. My heart, that is. But the truth is, there is no “safe” from the outside world. Meaning that, life is happening all the time. Other people will let us down. They won’t be who we thought they were supposed to be. They will be untrue. They might steal, lie, cheat, leave, die. We will experience pain. More than once. It’s inevitable. But the walls we build trying to safeguard ourselves from future pain….that is the real suffering. Once I really saw this, I committed to a constant asking to have the courage to follow my heart. To really know the depths of the mystery within, and to follow it with fearlessness. I’m sure I’ve messed that up a bunch. But once I got it, it’s like a red flashing light comes on anytime I’m out of alignment with this Love within. Anytime I make the choice for fear over love, it hurts enough that I can’t ignore. When Jayanti and I separated and then divorced, it was because we both knew that our LOVE wanted to grow beyond our togetherness. And I don’t say that lightly, but it’s the truth. We did not know what that would look like at the time, but we knew we needed to go our own ways. And even though it was clear to both of us, it was not easy. It was not easy to unmake a life, a home, a family, a farm, a community, an image and a dream of the future. It was not easy to stay trusting all the way through when we had been like a warm blanket for one another. There were several moments when we could have turned back and said… ah what the heck we’ll stay together. But no. We couldn’t do that. And a huge reason why was because we had a circle of people who were quite Heart Intelligent that were able to hold us and our clarity and our truth, through the process. People that could hold the ‘vibe,’ if you will, of where we were headed while we were getting enough oomph to get there. So, why the hell am I sharing all this with you? Here’s why:

 

Several people said to me, “New England” really wasn’t ready for this sort of thing.

When Sam and I first moved to the east coast, several people said to me, “New England” really wasn’t ready for this sort of thing (Opening to Love/Heart Intelligence work). I know for sure that isn’t true because I’ve met many souls here in New England who can hold a candle in the dark without turning back. I’ve met many women wanting to explore their deep creative nature, and I’ve met people offering this “sort of thing” in a different package. I realize it’s a little different, a little more, perhaps, scary to show up in the daytime and sit circle with people that you will then be asked to interact with. But I can’t deny the overwhelming push to bring this out into the world. After the #metoo movement caught fire, I was particularly aware of the need for this exact kind of thing- a place for men and women to come together to heal, to be held in the community, and to practice communication skills in a safe environment. A place to get deeper in touch with the longings of one’s own heart. A place to experience the power of the circle/group. A place where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came…. (lol, sorry I couldn’t help myself there….and if you’re still reading this, then a joke was much needed…. and I’m super sorry if you don’t get the laugh- Cheers!) ANYHOW- super grateful for my tech intelligent and oh so Heart Intelligent partner lover Sam Peret for making this video to say a little more about this work that is oh so dear to my heart. Loving ya’ll….. m

How I came to Kitchari

How I came to Kitchari

How I Came to Kitchari

5 min read

Some of you know that I used to lead cleansing programs for people. I was super into it. It was a very green and clean super liver detoxifying program full of coffee enemas and garlic grapefruit olive oil drinks. Yep, really. And I saw a lot of good things happen. Like alot. So many people ready to change their lives, using this detox program to reset their direction, calm their inner world and clean out alot of past junk. People ready to end habits like 4 pizzas a week, 2 pots of coffee a day, fast food daily, sugar habits and and other fairly standard American diet styles. People ready to shift on physical, mental and emotional levels. It was a cool time of life. I was pretty high on life. The green life. And I still have great respect for many of these methods, especially for the right constitution.* But after several years of this kind of cleansing, I started to feel anxious, scattered, ungrounded, and my digestion seemed like it was weak. By that I mean I had a lot of gas, from both ends, and I felt bloated and constipated often. I was doing everything “right” in my mind, so I was quite confused.

I had heard of this yogini who taught a small group of students and offered Ayurvedic consultations. I had studied some Ayurveda when I was younger, but didn’t have a great understanding of it. I sought her out, got my consultation, and had my world turned upside down. No more green drinks, raw kale smoothies, seed and nut bars, or salads for now, she said. That alone was a lot to take in. She explained why, and it made perfect sense, it was just not the world I had been living in for the last several years. She explained to me that my digestive fire, known in Ayurveda as AGNI, had become very weak from all the raw foods I had eaten. It was like throwing cold water on a fire. All this cold, raw “healthy” food was healthy. Yes. But it was not healing. For me. You see, the super green and raw stuff is light and airy, cool and dry. (Ayurveda calls it Vatta, or having qualities of Air.) Vatta causes lightness, dryness, and coolness, and when we have too much of it, causes problems. Now, for me, I was already all these qualities. I was getting thin (light), and I lived in a very dry climate and had dry skin and dryness on the inside (constipation). I had always been cold, even though I lived in a hot climate. I had become quite nervous and fearful which are also associated with Vatta, when out of balance. And it was because of this fearfulness that seemed to be overpowering my life, that I decided to give her program a try. She offered a very different kind of “cleanse” than I had been doing. This one would be a nourishing program, giving my body plenty of what it needed so that it could do what it needed to do. It had several elements, including meditation, self-massages called Abhyanga that used warm sesame oil, ghee shots in the morning( really!) and lots of this warm soupy stuff called Kitchari. Kitchari was intimidating to me at first. I was used to blending up some fruit or veggies in my Vita-Mix and voila! I had a meal. This Kitchari stuff I had to cook step by step, cooking spices, adding seaweed, organic rice and split mung dhal. I didn’t like it at first. It took too much time. It didn’t seem cleansing. How was I going to purify my liver with all this warm food?!!? But after a few days, I began to notice a couple things. The main thing was that my belly was at ease. No bloating. Little gas. Regular bowel movements. And I felt a lot more relaxed. I wasn’t pacing while thinking. I could sit and meditate for 15 minutes and then go about my day with a lot more peace than I had felt in years.

My husband noticed I was much calmer.

I restarted my yoga practice, not because I had to, but because I was inspired to. My husband noticed I was much calmer. And I was enjoying the process. I did miss the zing and high feeling of my raw food ( and I’m not bashing raw food here at all- it was just not right for me given my constitution, life circumstances and long stretch of immense stress), and I missed the sheer deliciousness of my morning smoothies, but it was undeniable that I felt much better when not drinking these cold drinks to start my day. Instead, I was starting my day with warm water and hot teas to support gentle detoxifying as well as jumpstart my digestion. I did a 10-day program, nourishing and eating the whole time, as well as gently detoxing whatever was needed, that my body could handle. You see, if we try to pull things out of the body too fast, or that it is not prepared to deal with (like heavy metals) we can actually re-TOXIFY ourselves, causing a more complicated situation. This can be done safely under the guidance of great doctors and skilled professionals, but it is something to be aware of with deep green cleanses. You can get blood work to understand your levels of metals and then you want to make sure your body has enough of what it needs to safely transport these things out of the body. I studied this for years, and it is still an overwhelming topic to me. Seek guidance and professional oversee if you are trying to detox heavy metals or any other specific poison.

One of the biggest things with cleanses is coming OFF the cleanse. Now the cupboards are open and you can have anything you want, and it can be a challenging time! Many people find this time to be harder than the cleanse itself, because it is such a radical shift.

One of the biggest things with cleanses is coming OFF the cleanse.

After the kitchari cleanse I slowly transitioned to a bit more rice than beans ( a bit more nourishing than detoxifying) and started adding other grains, some fermented dairy like buttermilk ( Takradara) and stayed with warm soupy meals for several days because it felt so good to eat that way. I kept Kitchari as one of our mainstay meals and found the transition to be an easeful one.

These days with little ones, anytime anyone is sick or just a little off, we have kitchari. Anytime I don’t know what to make for dinner, (breakfast or lunch for that matter) I make kitchari. There are as many variations as you can think of, and you can rest knowing it will nourish, soothe and bring balance to your home.

*from an Ayurvedic perspective, the Pitta constitution can handle more cooling foods like a kale smoothie. To learn what your constitution is, take the Dosha Quiz.

View my Kitchari Recipe Here

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Me Too

Me Too

Me too

 

Ego ego

I hear you darling

pulling me across the floor

faster faster faster

more

more more.

Clothes and makeup

hair and a smile

I’ve got

to give you

a rest

for awhile.

Too much time

spent

planning for the next

taking today

to be here

just this text.

Ego Ego

I know you’re scared

trying to keep alive

keep from pain

keep from vulnerabilty

keep from

too much growth.

It’s true

I get you.

I do. I do.

But alas this life

is not only for you.

It’s for deeper missions

and inside transitions

and head to the ground

full prostration

admissions.

And a terrible wild

night full of stars

to awaken

the dream at last

fallen into ash.

I hear you love

I hear you light

I hear you Great Intelligence

I won’t turn from you

keep me constant

keep me true.

No more dividing-

I’m open to you

and you and you.

Heart Light growing stronger

I linger no longer

in the veils of seperation

time is now for co creation.

Show me my judgement

that I might give it

up today

I am open to see

what I have placed in my way.

And as many keep posting

and sharing their stories

me too

me too

no shame, no glories.

Just a wink and a reach

out across time

to say to my brothers and sisters

divine….

Divine we all are

and divine we shall be

let us help

one another

to heal and become free.

I see where I too

have created

some pain

and with years of self forgivness

I released the shame.

For we’ve all been confused

and at times forgotten

who we are,

now is time

to come together

to become like stars.

Little lights

to heal darkness

and take down

the walls,

this is for you

all my people

let us not stall.

let us not wait

any longer to be

the light that we are

that Love

our true power

in this humanity.

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